Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
