She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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