Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize