My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
