Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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