dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
