Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think I won the penis lottery.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
