So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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