How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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