We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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