I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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