matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
