my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
