Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
