Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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