So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Everclear isn't food dammit
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize