Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
