i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
