i would punch a child for taco bell
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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