She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
