I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
