So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
