I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
