But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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