Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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