all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
