once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize