i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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