He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
