He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
