Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
