Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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