So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize