What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
