my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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