he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
