I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
