Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize