Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
