Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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