Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
