I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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