Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
