Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
