OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
