I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
