I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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