I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize