First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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