i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
