i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
