So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
