He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
