I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
