How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize