You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
