there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
