I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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