I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
