People with herpes should wear stickers.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
