Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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