Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
