well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
