Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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