So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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