You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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