dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
