singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
