everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
