In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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