You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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