I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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