so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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