No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
