yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
