good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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