well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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