I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
