Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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