even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
