So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
