apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my being single is dangerous.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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