D3 body, D1 cock
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
