i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
