She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
