youre lurking in front of me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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