You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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