Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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