dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
