He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
