it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
FUCK WHALES
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
