The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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