you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize