Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize