It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
