kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
