This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
