they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
