i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
