Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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