I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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