One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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