But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
