Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
