I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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