i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
