I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
